Three weeks ago we lost a 19 year old in our congregation due to a car accident.  It’s not the first time tragedy has struck our church, but every time it happens it never fails to fill our church with mixed emotions and awkwardness.  Questions of, “What do we say? What do we do?”  Here are 3 heartless things I do, as a pastor, to help those family members who have lost.

1.) Record it in your calendar.  The day you find out about a tragedy, record it. If you don’t do it now you’ll forget. Most of us ministers have digital calendars of some sort, iPhone, iPad, Google Calendar, whatever. This way you’ll always have a reminder of the event.  August 3rd reminds me that Lila became a widow and was left with 6 kids.  On September 14th my calendar lets me know it’s the anniversary of the parents who lost their one in a half year old in his sleep.  This follows into number 2:

2.) Keep a pack of sympathy/thinking cards on hand.  When a tragedy happens, you have a card ready to send.  When your calendar reminds you that last year your seasoned saint Edward, became a widower, you can send him a card to reminder him of a pastor and a church that love and care.  After the funeral we move on and forget- they never will.

3.) Pay attention to the kids.  During our recent funeral I noticed all the guests hugging the mother and teenaged sister of our 19 year old.  Yes, they are important and need comforting.   However, I noticed the 5th grader alone, pacing her brother’s funeral.  I went to her verses her mom.  I’ve made it my goal to make sure on a regular basis that she is holding up.  We often forget children in cases of tragedy.
As the years go by in ministry, and as your churches grow, you will not go without loss off life.  You will never have the right words, you won’t always be able to comfort, but you can show that you love and care for them.
“God, I pray you would help us in times of tragedy.  Help us to care for those who have lost. Bless us with open hearts and listening ears. Amen.”