DEAR DOVE- When we stopped thinking we were beautiful
Click here to watch Dove’s Camera Shy Commercial:
Dear Dove,
I walked through SAMs yesterday and looked upon a mountain of LED Televisions with your logo across their screens. As your commercial, camera shy, played, a question was posed near the end, “When did you stop thinking you’re beautiful?” Dove, I’d like to answer that question for you. I’m not knocking your ads or commercials. In fact, I like some of them. I think they are what some girls (and women) need to hear and see in our skinny, beauty, sex-driven culture. However, as a woman who has not only struggled, but counseled these women, I want to share with you some lies women have been told for the last 60 or so years that have brought you the question, “When did you stop thinking you’re beautiful?”
We stopped thinking we were beautiful when we started telling women that the values in the bible were oppressing, trapping them in unwanted marriages and childbearing. That ‘submitting’ to our husbands meant they were in control of us. When really we are to come under his protection, allowing him to use his God given gifts to protect and love as Christ loved the church. God sent his Son to die for the church . . . That’s a lot of love. If you actually study the scriptures, Jesus liberated women in a male dominated society. He allowed them to learn straight from the Son of God himself. He forgave the sins of and healed many women who the male religious leaders of that day deemed filthy. Some followed Him and were the first to see an empty tomb. If women were unimportant, God would not have allowed the announcement of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ to be discovered by women.
We stopped thinking we were beautiful when the Feminist Movement hit. Being married and having children were holding us back, hindering us from ‘real life’. Marriage was ‘legalized rape’ and ‘slavery’; we needed liberation. We could have sex without consequences and abort our pregnancies without the oppression of marriage and parenting. “Make Love, Not War,” they said. “Free Love,” they said. Not telling us that free love and making love with whomever and whenever was not free and created a war on our bodies. We are now struggling from the consequences of our baby boomer parents with over 30 STDs un-contained. When we did find someone we actually wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, our many sexual encounters placed hindrances on the intimacy we tried having with our husbands. ‘Feminism’ neglected to warn us about the pain and struggles that haunt us on the inside from our decisions.
We stopped thinking we were beautiful when in 1969 we legalized divorce for any reason in California and it swept the nation. Now we are suffering the consequences of giving up instead of ’till death do us part.’ No Fault Divorce left women feeling rejected, worthless, and the farthest thing from beautiful- because they weren’t worth being fought for. Children are growing up without fathers, and are more violent with lower grades. Women continued seeking fulfillment in men and would take anyone that came their way. Our daughters follow suit and repeat the cycle. Then we were also told we could “Do anything without a man.” But we quickly realized we cannot. Single motherhood is hard and we can’t measure up to what society has told us.
We stopped thinking we were beautiful when we used sex to make ourselves attractive. Madonna told us our sexual experiences will be “Like the First Time,” without explaining the more encounters we have more of ourselves is given away. When the Material Girl dressed sexy, so did we. Surely I’d get a man if he just noticed my body. This peeked more of the male interest- but not in a good way. We prostituted ourselves in playboy magazines and modeled underwear in mall windows. This ‘liberation’ has increased male impotence, infidelity in marriages, has had a hand in increased human trafficking and pornography sales- including to our young sons. All for the sake of ‘women’s liberation.’
We stopped thinking we were beautiful when in the 80’s we decided everyone needed a trophy. Nothing separated us from anyone else; we’re all the same. Reality kicked us in the face when we hit high school and couldn’t measure up to the 5′ 10″, 28 inched waisted blond haired beauty in math class. Real life doesn’t offer everyone the same prize. So our “everyone gets a trophy” society has had the opposite affect and has lowered our esteem- self esteem helps us feel beautiful.
We stopped thinking we were beautiful when we demeaned mothers. Stay at home and working mothers alike. Stay-at-home moms were wasting away an adventurous life trading it in for wiping snotty noses and sorting laundry. Using their giftings in nurturing the next generation was oppressing and lazy. This brought insecurities of being worthless, wanting to live for the moment, though our kids need us now to coach them for the future. The working mom was horrible because her kids were in daycare and someone else cleaned her house. Though she is using her gifts and talents to contribute to her family budget and community, she is bad because she accepts money in exchange. She spends time with her kids, orders pizza instead of a from scratch meal, buys birthday cupcakes instead of homemade, but feels guilty. Why? Because she is not at home. How confusing . . .
Dove, I could go on for hours; this is just a glimpse. As you know beauty is on the inside as well as the out. However, the shame, guilt, pain, judgment on the inside affects the way we feel on the outside. We have forgotten we are beautiful because we have listened to the lies of this culture. We’re so confused trying to be what everyone else says we should be instead of what our Creator says. We are created as God’s masterpieces, created to use our giftings, and to live pure, selfless, generous, thankful lives. This, Dove, is when we stopped thinking we were beautiful.
Sincerely,
A woman who still struggles with her beauty
References:
The Marketing of Evil: How Radicals, Elitists, and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised As Freedom by: David Kupelian
Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood by: Samantha Parent Walravens
Sex Has a Price Tag by: Pam Stenzel